Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
