Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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