Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize