He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
