Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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