where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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