Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
