I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The air was thick with penises
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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