Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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