i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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