I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
