My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
