dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize