I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
