I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
