ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
