i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
