Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
