dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
