Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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