The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
