her vagine was all disorganized.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
