ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
