brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Someone shit on the floor
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
