Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
