Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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