i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
