If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize