I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
