U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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