Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just gargled with NyQuil
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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