i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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