yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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