Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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