Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
