I accidentally had phone sex last night
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
