More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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