Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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