Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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