In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
