You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
