I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
