my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
