Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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