i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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