Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
