We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
