Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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