On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
