I just saw a hot homeless man
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
