Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
