they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
