I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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