I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
