will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we're so committed to being not committed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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