glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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