She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
