I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
