Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
