I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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