Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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