pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I love having hate sex.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
