So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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