She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
