So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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