There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
