first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
