i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
