Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
