I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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