Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
